It must be hard to be you.

Poor Eirik, it must be so hard to be him sometimes. Really.. He's so smart and trying desperately to catch up emotionally and socially to his intellectual level. He KNOWS what could and should happen, but he's not big enough or old enough or emotionally stable enough and his frustration levels hit boiling over often. I think he was born with this scowl. He is always thinking and scheming and planning. I went through his big box of his important things the other night when he was asleep. (don't tell him.) For just a moment I got a deeper glimpse of what it must be like to be in his brain and, man, it must be hard. He has an empty deodorant bottle of Pauls in there. He wants so much to be grown up, but I don't think he even knows what it is for, but he knows he needs it to be a man. He knows he needs to be tough and strong like his dad, and then when he feels scared or sad or overwhelmed he is so mad at himself. Because he is so mature in many ways it's hard to remember how small he is. It's hard to not want him to finally be done with sippy cups and tantrums. He wants to be in charge of everything and everyone. It must be so hard for him to be small since he is obviously leader material and everyone should obviously be listening to him and following him at all times. :) How frustrating for him. He calls himself a teenager and already has big life plans, but then he will say, "mom, I'm not going to college because I never want to leave you." He is wound so tight inside all the time that the smallest things set him off in a big way. If he can't get his zipper up or something tied onto him or some of his gear just how he wants it, he screams in complete frustration. He has absolutely no patience with himself or others. Again, I say, "it must be SO hard for him." The other day he was picking at his earlobe and making it bleed again (something he has done since he was a baby) and Paul told him to try to stop and Eirik said, "Dad, I just have to. I feel better when I do it." Paul said, "son, I know just how you feel." and then he showed Eirik his thumb that he has picked till it's bleeding. Hmm... I wonder where Eirik got it from. I'm glad Eirik has his Dad to help him deal with all that ENERGY!