Back on the "toy" tracks

( I wrote this a few weeks ago, but I'm just posting it now.)

This weekend was tough, and I was up many times last night with crying boys and I had let myself get too busy again, and woke up really grumpy. I knew I couldn't let today go on plummeting, so I worked really hard. I think it's one of my hardest tasks to reverse a bad mood spiral when momentum builds and I just want to roll with it. But I did it. I did the things I knew I needed to do, and it's the end of the day and I'm in a good place now. Experience is a beautiful thing.

Each of us has that right, that possibility, to invent ourselves daily. If a person does not invent herself, she will be invented. So, to be bodacious enough to invent ourselves is wise. -Maya Angelou

When I was much younger I knew a family that had a star chart in their house. I was intrigued and loved the mystery and passion it represented to me. I promised myself that I would be the kind of mom that put up star charts, and wind chimes and globes and posters with every type of whale and science experiments and all sorts of fascinating, mind opening pockets all over our house. I dreamed of trap doors, telescopes rooms full of books, a dining room table scribbled all over with notes and sketches made during vibrant dinnertime discussions. So when I found this shower curtain on Urban outfitters, I had to have it. For some reason it really fit my vision and I want my boys to grow up with this shower curtain. It makes me really happy.
I knew that part of why I was feeling so down this morning was because I had let other things get in the way of the time I should be devoting to my kids. They could tell, and were in turn driving me CrAzy! So the first thing I did this morning was sit down in the toy room with my boys and play cowboys and indians and build train tracks with trolls under the bridges and rescue baby elephants who have fallen off the circus train and we all got dressed up in cowboy gear head to toe. We played for almost 2 hours after which I had to lock them in for 10 minutes while I decompressed because I actually really hate playing pretend and it was all I could do to pretend to love to prentend for 2 hours. But I did it, and my boys loved it. After "pretend time" I did the mom part I love which is teaching. We practiced writing letters on the chalkboard and Eirik drew his first shapes today. He drew an E with lots of lines going to the right and then said, "mom, it's a sideways swingset." I worked with Joren on his ABC's and then we read a book we have read lots of times but I discovered that Joren has it completely memorized. Good for him little smarty. Then I made this cute little lunch because I knew if I did it I would feel better about myself. (Not really because they would love it, but because I needed a way to be creative and here's how it came out.) They, in fact actually ate lunch and Eirik only begged for different food for half of the meal. After lunch we read more books and Eirik practiced reciting his favorite new book which he knows word for word after only reading it 12 times or so. (I certainly don't have it memorized, but he does!) It's called Bedtime at the Swamp. It's adorable with awesome illustrations. If you don't have it, you should buy it. Then they had naps and I got to paint for 2 hours. When Eirik woke up he painted with me meticulously in his coloring books at my feet for 20 minutes. I was so proud of him. He didn't get paint anywhere it shouldn't be and he actually broke out of his shell and used a color other than blue black and green for the first time in his life. Even if it was only white. He was a delightful painting buddy.
When Paul got home we all had a $6 dinner at Wendy's and then went to Chucky Cheese. The boys had a blast and I felt good because I spent the day as I should, loving my boys. Sometimes I just get off track and worry about too many other things.